Has your child gone from skipping happily into preschool to clinging to your side?
Are goodbyes after a holiday or half-term break suddenly that little bit trickier?
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
It is the last Friday before half term and your child cannot wait to get into preschool. As usual, they have a wonderful day.
Over the following week, life slows down a little. There are lie-ins, trips to the park, extra stories on the sofa and perhaps a few more cuddles than usual. The normal routine is replaced with family time.
Then suddenly it is Monday morning again.
The alarm goes off, shoes need finding, and before you know it you are standing at the preschool door with a child who will not let go of your hand.
This is completely normal.
It’s not always about preschool
When children find goodbyes difficult after a holiday or break, it seems reasonable to assume the problem is preschool.
Perhaps they are no longer enjoying it.
Perhaps something has happened.
Perhaps they do not want to come anymore.
That is always worth paying attention to, but it might be something simpler is happening.
The difficult thing about transitions is not always what comes next.
Sometimes it is more about what we are leaving behind.
Children can miss home and enjoy preschool at exactly the same time. They may miss having Mum, Dad, grandparents or siblings close by. They may miss slower mornings, favourite activities or simply having their family together.
What looks like a dislike of preschool may actually be sadness that a lovely break has come to an end.
Children don’t separate feelings neatly
Adults are usually able to hold two feelings at once. We can be excited about starting a new job while feeling nervous. We can look forward to a holiday while missing home.
Young children are still learning how to make sense of those emotions.
When they feel sad about saying goodbye, it can come out as tears, clinginess or reluctance to separate. It does not necessarily mean they are unhappy at preschool. In fact, many children who have a difficult goodbye settle quickly and go on to have a happy, busy day with their friends.
The goodbye doesn’t always predict the day
It is something preschool teams see regularly. A child arrives upset and reluctant to separate, only to be happily building, painting, digging or sharing stories ten minutes later. So it is important to look at the day as a whole and not just the drop-off.
A tricky goodbye and a great preschool day can often exist side by side.
What helps?
There is no magic solution, but a few simple things can make the return to routine easier:
-
Keep goodbyes short and predictable
Children generally find it easier when they know what to expect.
-
Acknowledge how they feel and agree
Try, ’It is hard saying goodbye after such a lovely week or time together’ Try not to minimise or gloss over their emotions
-
Remind them what comes next
Talk about friends, favourite activities and familiar adults.
-
Appear calm and confident
Even if you don’t feel it. Children often take their cues from us.
-
Give it time
Most children need a little while to reconnect with routines after a break.
Key takeaways
If your child is a little clingier after half term, try not to panic. Missing home does not mean they dislike preschool. Wanting more family time does not mean they are unhappy.
Often, children simply need a little time to move from one part of their world to another.
Remember: The goodbye that ties you in knots doesn’t necessarily predict the rest of the day.
Parents also ask
Why is my child crying at preschool drop-off after a holiday?
Because transitions can be difficult. Children may miss home while still enjoying preschool.
Is it normal for a settled child to become clingy again?
Yes. Developmental changes, tiredness and routine changes can all temporarily affect drop-offs.
How long does it take children to settle back after half term?
Every child is different, but most reconnect with familiar routines, friends and adults surprisingly quickly.
Separation worries are a normal part of growing up. If you have any questions about your child’s settling, please speak to a member of the team. We are always happy to help.
___________
Play B C offers term-time or 48-week places, combining relationship-led early education with a play-rich, nurturing environment designed around real family life.
About the author
Marsha Dann is the founder of Play B C Preschool, a former primary school teacher with an MA in Education. She has worked with children and families for over 20 years and is passionate about helping children get the best possible start in life.
What to read next…
Routines and transitions can offer great learning opportunities. Find out more here.
